San,
It's alright.
I am alright.
I have a perfect life.
The love of my life,
Well, they have everything
I never knew I needed.
So San,
It's alright.
I don't mind not having a new you.
I got them by my side,
And you're there sending signs
That you watch,
That you worry,
That you care,
And still cheering
For my good times.
San, it is alright.
We talked on Facebook, your Mom and I,
We got it.
It's alright,
San.
You love cooking
As much as I love writing
Baking is your poetry
Your Whisk dance like a pen
Your tasting palate
Is where you keep the metaphor
It’s your journal
I would say
I only know the oven
As your one true friend
She never betrayed your expectation
The kitchen is your library
The ocean of imaginations
It warps time for you
As magical as writing table
Does to mine
I published my work
You sell yours
I did it all for happiness
But I don’t know about you
Is standing all day for one cake
Are the things that heal you?
Or is it because you have to?
Either way
You and all that
Is a poetic dedication after all
And that’s just one
Out of gazillion reasons
For how huge the measure
Of how much
I adore you, Ma!
(November, 10th 2022)
My bedroom door is crooked
They've been fixing it for weeks
Installed and ripped off again
They thought it was the hinges
It wasn’t
They changed the door leaf
Still not working
They fixed the handle
It got worse
I studied Communication Science in college
But from my non-expert eyes on doors
I can tell that it’s the wall they should be replacing
Not the door
So my bedroom wall is crooked
Not the door!
Kadang murung, kadang riang
Kadang senang, kasang gusar
Tak tertebak, bagai aksi panggung pesulap terkenal
Mudah muncul, mudah hilang
Dikasih ringan, ingin yang lebih berat
Dikasih berat, malah mengeluh dan menghujat
Dikasih mudah, bilangnya kurang menantang
Dikasih tantangan, malah memaki semesta dianggap tak berpihak
Lucu memang tingkah manusia
Tak bisa bersyukur secara konstan
Senangnya di awal, lalu basi termakan waktu
Layaknya sirop yang manisnya ditenggelamkan cairan es batu
“Rasanya pengen jadi pohon saja”, teriak remaja berumur 30 tahun di ibu kota
Di saat cicilan dan tagihan mulai menerjang rekening di akhir bulan
Serasa gaji dan bonus lenyap begitu saja
Tapi memang benar, menajdi pohon sepertinya lebih menyenangkan
Hanya berdiri dan tak perlu memikirkan perjodohan
Lucu memang tingkah manusia,
Semoga pohon tak pernah berharap menjadi salah satunya
Who am I in this body
I rarely woke up to the sound of an alarm
To start a day is not my favorite part
The routines were unbearable some days
That to lift my arm for the brush
Felt like a heavy workout
Days and months drifting away
As if I’m ready for another countless day
Playing with chances until the time stops passing by
Moments are piling up
As stories stored to unedited manuscript
Some Mondays I had self-loathe for dinner
The other crowded morning
I dwell to the unclaimed grief
Who am I in this uncertain time
An angry woman who’s confused over her hairline
A sad oldest daughter with crippled sentiment
That growing despair
Is starting to be
The only flavor she is familiar with
But who am I without all this
What sight do I have
If darker grey
Is the only color I’d use for my self-portrait
Who am I to have the say
Of what this void could explain
Because me and the memories I have
Is longer than the song
I chose for this sound
Do we wear a heart on the sleeve?
Coz the more we talk the more I believe
Right in a heart beat from six to nine
You locked a smile within mine
We went through a rough patch before
Never been this head over heels since years or more
Then at a time I don’t hung up on anyone
You locked a smile within mine
So tell me how am I supposed to name this
Or done hiding behind my eyelids please
Oh tell me how am I supposed to name this
Coz I’ve been head over heels
Do we really talk till 2 a.m?
It’s not delusional that we can be an item
And all the groove on all the move
You gave me a soft spot up on the roof
And you locked a smile within mine
So lets find a love nest and doing just fine
So tell me how am I supposed to name this
Or done hiding behind my eyelids please
Oh tell me how am I supposed to name this
Coz I’ve been head over heels