Journaling Journey: A Peek Inside My Journal Pages

One of my most cherished possessions are my journals. Oh how I love collecting all those leather bound vintage looking notebooks and relish writing on them more than typing on any good-looking keyboard. It's the feeling of the fountain pen nib gliding over the paper and the sound it makes that I love most. But, above all, it's the sense of contentment I get after completing my morning pages, writing poems in my fat vintage writing journal, or jotting down my monthly expenses and budgeting.

My fat vintage writing journals for poetry and writing ideas

People have been saying that journaling helps you declutter the mind and keep you organized. Well in my case, I’ve been journaling since I was so young when my handwriting was still hard to read even for myself. I’ve been in love with writing since I learned how to hold a pen and generate a word. And the more I grow, the more I know that it’s more than just venting or telling the diary how I was feeling that day. It was more than taking notes about lists of books I need to find in order to complete my tasks as college students. It was more than just trying to get my handwriting better and more readable.

Some notable articles are out there that tell you how journaling helps people to heal, stay sane, focused, organized, and all those benefits. But here, I am trying to give you a little peek into my journal. The page that I wrote at the very beginning of 2023 is the kind of page I have been doing every new year to help me navigate, look back at what I have gone through, and see what I have learned from the year to set some self-growth goals for the coming year. With the help of journaling prompts I found on Pinterest, here are the questions I answered on the new year pages I wrote at the very end of 2022 to welcome my 2023.

Disclaimer: Below part is the real text from the original pages and me sharing this is me being vulnerable to everyone who would spend their time reading. It would be worth it if my annual reflection could help and inspire you. So yeah, I hope this one gives a lot of people the words they need to hear, I hope some of you can relate to this and feel heard, I hope it would be helpful to you as it has been really helpful to me.

What did 2022 teach me about myself?

This year has taught me that I am a strong one. Even better, I’m the strongest even though most of the time I forgot to praise myself and thank her for being so strong, standing tall and walking out just fine after everything that I’ve gone through.

But I learn that as strong as I thought I’am, I still need compassion that I keep giving to others for myself. I learned that I can get mad, I can cry ugly, I can break down, and feel like doing nothing and that’s okay. It’s okay to feel all the emotions, acknowledging my own feelings, going through phases and all. Because instead of ruining me, all of that makes me grow. Even stronger.

2022 taught me that I need to always remember that we can only plan, work on it and hope that everything will work out just fine. Everything else is out of our control. Accepting that truth is a huge act of self-love for me. 2022 also taught me that all I need to do after doing my part in life is give in. I’m still working on that. But I learned that the twist of everything often brings me to other scenarios I came to love even more than the first plan. So 2022 taught me to say this more to myself: “Suci, just don’t worry too much!”

Who showed up for me and how I can nurture those relationships?

It’s myself first and foremost. Before my better half, before my family and anyone else. It’s me who deeply cares for me. But most of the time, I always ignore her voice and needs. To nurture this relationship I need to make the give and take system with myself better. I need to listen to her voice first before asking for other’s. I need to fulfill and satisfy her needs first before I give it to others. Then, with this getting better, I can show up better for my better half and my family who always showed up for me.

What do I need to accept about myself and other people in my life?

I need to accept that whenever I think about this or that, or when people say this or that, sometimes it’s just showing the fact that not everyone has what it takes to be something, to say something or to do something. I need to accept that there are differences, backgrounds, side stories about everything in everyone. With that fact in mind, I need to accept the fact that what I think is right is not always right. For that case, I need to be less judgy because who am I to judge?

And I also need to breathe, to take a break, to pause, to reflect before I keep going. I can’t handle everything all at once and still be okay. I need to accept that what I want is not always for the best and I need to re-adjust.

How did I cope with uncomfortable feelings?

I’m used to writing, journaling and crying when dealing with my feelings. But I learn that talking about it to the person I can be vulnerable with and I trust the most is adding more power to charge my soul. I also learned that writing the unsent letters helps a lot. Going to therapy has been playing a huge part for me to get better at feeling the feelings. And of course, I learn to be more accepting so the energy I used to spend on worrying can be utilized on feeling the feelings.

How can I better manage my reaction to my feelings?

I can learn to prioritize the time to really listen to myself inside before I can start thinking and process my feelings. If I feel like I need to cry, I’m just gonna cry it out. If I feel like I need to be angry, I’m going to write nasty and raging writings to be fully mad. I can learn to stop holding the feelings and react to the feelings in alignment with how I see fit, with what she needs.

In what ways will I take better care of myself in 2023?

I’m going to lessen the blaming session of myself every time things go south. I’m going to think of myself as the person I love the most in this life. I’m going to quit feeling guilty every time I fail to achieve or do things. I’m going to start getting used to smoking less, and I’m going to teach my brain that I don’t need to punch the wall everytime I get so angry. I’m going to trim my hair every 3 months to get it healthier and allocate more of my earnings to have a spa day, or getting a massage, or traveling with my loved ones. I’m going to learn new skills to upgrade my level on this game called surviving life. And because getting a fat paycheck makes me happy, I’m going to get a better job with a bigger paycheck. But what’s more important is that I need to be more mindful, to be present, and enjoy my time, my days. In that way, I can be happier, fulfilled, and content with everything I have and the people I love.

What has been a barrier to me completing my goals and how will I remove the barrier in 2023?

There are these different boxes of goals and expectations in life that I need to be aware of. If the goals involve external factors that I can’t control in order to make it happen, I need to make a good and detailed plan. Step by step. And for that, the expectation has been a huge problem for me because then I would be focusing on the outcome instead of the process and get distracted on the way through and then I would be less powerful to make it work. So, to make things easier for me, I need to be more realistic, focus on the day to day goals to build the huge long term dreams. I also need to know which one is more important than the other and the first indicator for that sorting process is classifying it with what would benefit my surviving life more, what would make me happier, and what will get me more time to be with the people I love.

What limiting beliefs do I need to release?

I need to get rid of the mindset that I have to meet certain criteria to be accepted, to be loved, to be worthy of anything when it comes to my family. Because they’re my family, they should and supposed to love me unconditionally. They do. I mean they will always love me for who I am. With this card in hands, I can start living my life truthfully and can use the energy I used to waste worrying about their opinion and reaction for something useful.

I also need to stop thinking that every bad thing that happened in my life happened because I’m not good enough. That mindset stops me from doing anything fully invested because then I would think that whatever I do, it’ll never be enough.

What do I need to practice doing more and less of?

I need to pay more attention to what’s inside my body to see if the machine, or my battery or anything in there needs fixing and how that affects my external reaction, behavior and attitude. I need to practice healthy eating more. I need to take care of my physical self more. I need to keep exercising every morning. I need to practice “don’t put it, put it away” more. I need to fight hard not to skip any of the 5 prayers no matter what. I need to keep on doing the routines I’ve been doing that have been giving benefits to every aspect of my life. I need to lessen my smoking habit and eventually quit. I need to quit procrastinating. I’m just going to practice everything that would help me take care of my 30 year old physical body and any good ritual to shape my spiritual and mental self.

What one boundary do I need to implement to improve my peace in 2023?

I need to have a clearer understanding on which one is my exam paper to finish, and which one isn’t. Because I’ve been drying myself out all this time, I keep trying to solve other’s cases when it’s so way out of my paygrade, beyond my limits, and it exhausts me. My legendary aunt says: when the weight feels too heavy, it’s probably not ours to carry. In simpler words, I need to make clear boxes to put which case is mine to solve, and which one is only for me to observe.

Can You Call This A Guide? That Depends

Whenever people would ask if I like the smell of the ocean or the aroma of the ground after hours of heavy rain, my answer would be “That depends”. I can like the smell of the ocean if the place where I’m standing is not close enough to where the fishers put their fishing tools or catch, because I just can’t stand the smell of saltwater fish. And I can like the aroma of the ground after hours of heavy rain if I were at some place where there’s grass and lots of tall trees.

It all works the same when people ask if I like being locked down for the past 2 years without being able to travel. Hell, even for work, we’re told to work from home. Do I like how it went the past 2 years? That depends!

So unfortunately after all this time, I got my turn to experience being Covid positive. I thought it was just normal fever or some kind of dengue fever symptoms. It wasn’t such a huge shock to me to be honest because lots of my colleagues were infected. Lots of people in my apartment building were also infected. It was only a matter of time until my “new normal” hygiene practice was no longer powerful enough to protect me.

So there I was, serving my 7 days self-quarantine at home suffering from dry cough, nasal congestion and other symptoms. The good thing was, I got to rest all day all night binge watching my new favorite series and fell asleep between each episode. The time I wouldn’t really get if it weren’t for being tested positive.

During that time, I got all the space I needed to think, to question everything that came to my mind. Since Covid isn’t really a hot topic anymore, before I got my turn, I didn’t think about the pandemic much. Not until now. All this time, it got me thinking about what I have achieved or learned after all this time.

I’ve taught myself to practice the belief that everything should always be seen from different angles. It’s always working for me to accept certain hard and complicated situations. Sometimes, this method can cheer me up on my worst days. The other time, it also helps me to see the bigger picture about anything that has been the center of my attention.

And that is one of the main reasons why my answer about the last horror 2 and half years would vary, it depends on what angle you want me to showcase the answer. But what I do like the most about it, is the pandemic gave me enough time to grow. And not everyone has the same privilege. But I chose to make it so for me.

We survived more than 2 years of horrible time to live and breathe. It’s the pandemic. The one word I’ve never expected to be so familiar with. I don’t even know how to differentiate it from endemic back then. But these past 2 years—well I’m speaking for myself—we’ve been stuck, locked in one place while there’s this contagious disease spreading to every place on earth. But I’m not going to keep talking about it (I’ve written one about it here). I just want to share my story.

I believe I'm not the only one who chose to use the last couple of years for learning and keep growing. It’s like time has finally felt like it’s slowing down for us to catch up on some important goals we have in mind but never really had time to make it happen. It seems like time has stretched itself so thin that we finally experienced the feeling of having a weekend for so long. Remember that feeling from 2 years ago?

Anyway, feeling lucky and blessed, I’m so grateful that I still get to work during that time, I still have a job. Some people don’t. But again, I chose to learn and grow. So besides working from home back the, I got to spent the extra time as the outcome from not having to commute everyday for doing lots of useful activities.

I can just binge watch lots of TV shows and movies and take the time to jot down some valuable and meaningful lines. I watched tons of videos about Japanese chef’s knife skills and learned how to cut onions perfectly. I keep writing and finishing one manuscript for another novel. I kept practicing and finally can proudly answer “Damn right I can” whenever people ask if I can swim. I read piles of books and learnt a lot about things I never really put enough attention to.

A blessing in disguise is what it is for me to describe the past 2 years. I mean, outside of myself, a lot of new businesses were born out of this time. People are really using the last 2 years as a moment to change the phase, to slide the direction. And I take that fact, as another moment of growing.

So if people can have and make it, growing isn’t a thing you can’t afford. You just have to choose to. Because this time, we can see and learnt that time, chances, and some other things are just rare enough to buy even if you have a shitload of money. No. Sometimes, money is just not enough.

My Bedroom Door

My bedroom door is crooked

They've been fixing it for weeks

Installed and ripped off again

They thought it was the hinges

It wasn’t

They changed the door leaf

Still not working

They fixed the handle

It got worse

I studied Communication Science in college

But from my non-expert eyes on doors

I can tell that it’s the wall they should be replacing

Not the door

So my bedroom wall is crooked

Not the door!

Ori, Sel Timur Ujung | Part. 1

Rambutnya masih tetap terlihat patuh, berjuntai menutupi leher hingga bahu. Hari ini tanpa jepitan hitam seukuran lidi daun kelapa, tanpa karet gelang bekas bungkus sarapan pagi mewah para napi; nasi uduk porsi irit dengan potongan tahu goreng dan sambal teri. Lingkar matanya tidak sehitam berbulan-bulan yang lalu. Pipinya sekarang lebih merona meskipun sisa bekas jerawat masih menghiasi wajah oval itu. Ori mulai terlihat jauh lebih ‘Ori’ semenjak toko pernak-pernik handmade nya dibuka. Meskipun sekali dua atau tiga malam tidak jarang Uri mendengar isak kakaknya itu pecah di dalam kamarnya yang menyudut. Isak pilu yang membuatnya ikut merasa biru. Isak sepotong jantung yang masih belum sanggup mendalami ilmu ikhlas tentang cinta yang berpulang tiba-tiba.

Ori baru saja menghirup udara bebas setahun yang lalu setelah nyaris lima tahun hidup ‘dikandangi’ dan tidak ada cerita yang bisa diceritakan dengan mudah semenjak pertama polisi menjemputnya di rumah Angku setelah membongkar jok mobilnya yang menyimpan bungkusan sabu. Meskipun siang mengejutkan itu dilewati dengan senyum dingin di sudut bibirnya, Uri tetap paham bahwa banyak goresan berat yang sedang ditanggung kakaknya.

“Aku tidak mau lagi kau pulang ke rumah ini!” teriak Angku ke wajah Ori waktu itu. Sekali lagi, hanya senyum kaku dengan lengkungan dingin yang muncul di wajahnya.

Setahun pertama Ori hanya mau bertemu dengan Uri jika ada yang berkunjung. Wajahnya banyak berubah. Lebih tirus, pucat, kantung mata membesar, lingkar hitam yang semakin kental, bibir kering yang tidak lagi pernah terlihat melengkung dan rambut yang selalu diikat dengan karet gelang berwarna merah bekas bungkus nasi uduk. Uri selalu menangis setiap kali melihat kuku cantik kakaknya yang terlihat kusam dan tidak terawat sejak menjadi tahanan.

“Aku baik saja,” kata Ori setiap kali Uri terisak melihat kondisinya.

Awal tahun kedua menjadi tahanan di lapas khusus perempuan, Ori mulai menyibukan diri dengan rutinitas harian. Jika tidak sedang berminat jogging keliling lapangan, Ori pasti terlihat duduk menyudut di lapangan voli dengan buku lusuh di tangannya. Buku yang dipinjami Faron, sipir muda yang tidak pernah bersikap kasar padanya sedari awal. Ketika hari sedang hujan, Ori akan lebih banyak menghabiskan waktu di dapur membantu tim konsumsi mengupas bawang. Hingga suatu hari, Dara ditransfer dari lapas pulau seberang untuk menghabiskan sisa masa hukumannya di tempat Ori dan tiga ratus perempuan lainnya mendekam.

Dara terlihat ramah dengan mata riangnya. Dara selalu tersenyum selepas jadwal senam bersama di pagi hari dan merajut sepanjang hari. Sekali waktu Dara dengan benang dan gulungan selimut yang belum jadi menghampiri Ori yang duduk dengan buku Maya Angelou di tangannya.

“Tahun ke berapa?” tanya Dara tanpa permisi.

“Kedua,” jawab Ori dingin dengan mata tidak lepas dari halaman ke seratus lima belas.

“Sabu?” tanya Dara lagi. Ori mengangguk.

“Aku tujuh tahun lagi.” Dara mulai menyambung benang dengan ujung benang lainnya kemudian mulai menyambung rajutan selimut dengan warna olive green-nya. “Married?” tanya Dara lagi. Ori menggeleng.

“Belum,” jawabnya masih dengan wajah cuek dan sangat merasa terganggu dengan kehadiran Dara yang banyak tanya. Belum dan bukan urusanmu, sengit Ori membatin.

“Namaku Dara,” ucap Dara tanpa merasa perlu mengulurkan tangannya untuk berkenalan.

“Ori,” sahut Ori dingin.

Keduanya kemudian saling diam dan sibuk dengan benda di tangan masing-masing. sesekali Ori melirik selimut setengah jadi yang sedang dirajut Dara. Rapi, pikirnya. Sesekali juga, Dara mengintip halaman yang sedang dibaca Ori kemudian manggut-manggut sambil berdecak mencoba mengingat sesuatu.

“Hoping for the best, prepared for the worst, and unsurprised by anything in between,” ucap Dara pelan. Ori menoleh, memandang wajah Dara yang dibedaki bedak tabur.

“Sorry?” tanya Ori.

“Maya Angelou.” Dara menjawab lalu melipat selimut yang sedang ditekuni nya dan memandang buku di tangan Ori. “I know Why The Caged Bird Sings. Aku baca ini pas kuliah,” tambahnya.

Ori melipat ujung halaman 116 dan menutup bukunya.

“Lalu?” tanya Ori dengan nada dingin.

“First, aku memang baca bukunya. And I like it. Kedua, ini caraku membuka pembicaraan denganmu. Menurutku banyak orang pakai cara seperti ini untuk memulai pembicaraan dengan orang asing yang menurutnya menarik,” jelas Dara sambil tersenyum.

Tanpa dipinta pipi Ori yang selalu terlihat pucat terasa ‘berdarah’. Hangat. Namun mulutnya terkunci untuk merespon kalimat tidak terduga yang didengarnya siang ini.

“Kamarku di ujung lorong timur. Hanum dan satu sipir sering duduk di sana menunggu aku selesai membuatkan mereka sweater atau selimut untuk kucingnya. Mampir kapan-kapan,” tambah Dara sambil berdiri dan meninggalkan Ori yang masih terdiam. Alih-alih kembali membuka Maya Angelou-nya, Ori justru memperhatikan punggung Dara hingga hilang di balik pagar kawat yang ditunggui dua sipir perempuan dengan wajah kasar.

“Kak!” Uri setengah berteriak memanggil Ori yang mematung di depan gantungan tas rajutan.

“Ya.” Ori buru-buru menghapus genangan air yang menjuntai di ujung matanya.

“Ada yang datang.” Uri membukakan pintu mempersilahkan seseorang masuk ke toko pernak-pernik kakaknya.

“Ori,” panggil perempuan dengan rambut sebahu dan toned arms yang menawan. Ori tersentak dan berjalan cepat mendekat.

“Faron,” sapanya sambil memeluk erat tubuh ideal sipir kesayangannya selama menjadi tahanan. “I miss you,” bisiknya di balik bahu Faron yang menepuk-nepuk pundak Ori pelan sambil menahan genangan air mata.

“Kau lebih berisi dan sehat,” puji Faron setelah melepas pelukan dan memandang Ori lama. Ori mengangguk sambil mengusap pipi dengan sisa air matanya. “Lapas terasa berbeda sejak kamu keluar Ri,” tambah Faron lalu duduk di sebelah Uri yang baru saja masuk menaruh tiga cangkir dan satu teko berisi teh tanpa gula.

“Hidupku juga jauh berbeda sejak keluar,” sahut Ori dengan mata berlinang.

“Sudah lah. Sekarang kau sedang menjalani hidup barumu. Yang di belakang biarkan di belakang.” Faron menyesap teh yang dituang Uri. “Aku bawa sesuatu untukmu.” Faron mengaduk isi tasnya sebelum mengeluarkan sebuah buku tulis yang terlihat keriting dan menyodorkannya pada Ori.

“Apa ini?” tanya Ori dengan perasaan tidak karuan.

“Isi sel Dara yang ditahan untuk barang bukti sudah dikembalikan. Aku ambil ini karena menurutku kau butuh sesuatu seperti ini,” jawab Faron berusaha tenang. “Baca setelah kau kuat untuk benar-benar merelakan ya,” tambahnya lalu berdiri dan memeluk Ori singkat.

#TanyaSuci - Berbohonglah Dengan Sempurna, Kenapa?

Dear Kak Suci,

Aku sering berhadapan dengan seorang pembohong. Sering dibohongin temen ataupun gebetan. Yang aku mau tanya, kenapa yah orang seneng banget bohongin aku? Kenapa kalau dibohongin itu menyakitkan? Bahas tentang bohong dong please.

Thanks Kak.

Salam dari Surabaya.

_______________________________________________________________

Di atas adalah sebuah email minggu lalu yang baru sempat saya baca. Sering dibohongi katanya, padahal mungkin dari beberapa bohong itu ada yang sudah terdeteksi sebagai sebuah kebohongan.

'Bohong'

Berbohong adalah salah satu cara yang paling sering digunakan seseorang dalam mengontrol situasinya. Entah berbohong untuk memperbaiki keadaan, atau berbohong untuk mengendalikan keadaan.

Seperti yang pernah saya ceritakan sebelumnya tentang kejujuran dan menceritakan the truth, tidak semua kebenaran perlu untuk disampaikan, namun bukan berarti kita berhak menggantinya dengan cerita yang jauh berbeda dari seharusnya.

Saya tidak bermaksud untuk membenarkan perilaku berbohong. Hanya saja jika sebuah kebenaran benar-benar akan menyakitkan seseorang, akan sangat merusak keadaan, dan akan sangat mengganggu sesuatu yang sedang berjalan lancar, selama itu tidak merugikan, silahkan sembunyikan.

Ini artinya saya membenarkan kebohongan?

Tidak. Sama sekali tidak. Terlepas dari apapun itu, saya adalah orang yang benci dengan kebohongan. Hanya saja saya selalu tau jika seseorang sedang menyembunyikan sesuatu.

Lantas?

Begini. Mengetahui kebenaran adalah hak semua orang. Namun tidak semua kebenaran perlu untuk kita ketahui. Pernah dengar kalimat ‘The more you know the more you hate’?

Kenyataannya, ada hal yang perlu kita ketahui dan ada hal yang sama sekali tidak perlu kita lihat, dengar, dan tau. Kenapa? Karena mengetahui sesuatu lebih dari yang seharusnya sudah pasti akan mengganggu emosi, ego, perasaan, pikiran, dan hal-hal lainnya ketika kamu berinteraksi dan menjalani hari-hari. Menurut saya, berbohong memiliki peran di sini.

Hanya saja…

Jikapun harus berbohong, berbohonglah dengan sempurna. Ketika kita terpaksa berbohong tentang sesuatu dari pihak tertentu demi menghindari hal-hal buruk (untuk menjaga kesehatan seseorang misalnya).

Lalu entah bagaimana, semakin hari berbohong semakin terasa lebih ringan dan terlalu mudah untuk dilakukan. Pada akhirnya, kebohongan kita akan terdengar sempurna. And that’s the point!

Jika membuka kejujuran benar-benar terasa berat, cobalah untuk berbohong dengan sangat baik sehingga sama sekali tidak terdengar sebagai sebuah kebohongan. Sebab jika kebohongan saja tidak dilakukan dengan baik, lalu apa gunanya sebuah kebenaran disembunyikan?

Sekali lagi, saya sama sekali tidak membenarkan perilaku berbohong. Namun jika benar-benar harus berbohong, berbohong lah dengan sempurna. Sebab dari sebuah kebohongan, yang menyakitkan bukan perilaku memalsukan kenyataan itu, melainkan kebenaran yang disembunyikan itu sendiri. Maka jika sesuatu benar-benar akan menyakiti, better save it in a proper way!

PS. Untuk kamu yang dari Surabaya. Maaf jika tulisan ini justru bikin gebetan kamu semakin mahir berbohong. Setidaknya kamu tidak menyadari lagi kalau dia sedang berbohong.

___________________________________________________________________________

#AskSuci – If You Have TO Lie, Lie Perfectly. Why?

(An English version of #TanyaSuci – Berbohonglah Dengan Sempurna, Kenapa?)

Dear Suci,

I am always dealing with a super liar. Fooled by friends or my dates. What I want to ask is, why would people lie? Why does it always hurt when you are being fooled? Please talk about lies.

Thanks Kak,

Sending You Love From Surabaya

_______________________________________________________________

Above is a letter I received a week ago. She said she often got lied by her boyfriend. In fact, some of those lies might have been detected as lies, that’s why she got hurt.

‘Lies’

Lying is one of many popular ways we use to control some certain situations, whether to fix it or lie to control it.

As I’ve discussed earlier in another post about honesty and telling the truth, that not every truth needs to be told. But that doesn’t mean we have rights to fake the truth with total lies.

Look, I don’t mean to justify lying behavior. But if the truth might really hurt someone, if the truth will ruin everything and interrupt something great, as long as it’s not too destructive, then better hide it.

So does this mean I justify lies?

Again, no. Not at all. In fact, I really hate lies and liars. But I always know when people lie to me or try to hide anything from me.

Yeah, So?

Here is the thing, knowing the truth is everyone’s right. But we don’t have to know every truth. Famous words said that ‘something better left unspoken’ and ‘the more you know the more you hate’.

In fact, there are things we need to know and there are things we don’t even have to see, hear, or know. Why? Because knowing something more than you should definitely will hurt you, ruin your emotions, break your heart, ghosting your mind. To me, here is where lies take the role.

But…

If you really have to lie, lie perfectly. When a situation pushes us to lie about certain things in order to avoid some unwanted trouble (to maintain someone's health for example), we have to lie in a very perfect way.

And somehow, the more we lie the more those lies feel so easy to do, too easy to provide. In the end, our lies are going to sound so perfect. That’s it! That’s the point!

Because when telling the truth feel so hard, then try to build an amazingly perfect lie with no mistakes that those lies don’t sound like lies anymore. What’s the point of telling bad lies if people easily notice that it's a lie??

Again, I am not justify lying behavior!!! But I suggest you lie perfectly if you really have to lie because what hurt from the lie is not the lie but the hidden truth in it. So if something sounds hurtful when told, put it subtly!

PS: For you from Surabaya, I am sorry if this post makes your crush even good at lying to you. At least you will never know that he was lying. Peace!

Bagaimana Jika Berkata Jujur Adalah Sebuah Kesalahan?

Ada banyak kalimat klise yang mengajarkan kita untuk berkata jujur. Mulai dari kalimat yang mengatakan bahwa kejujuran yang pahit akan terdengar lebih baik dibandingkan kebohongan yang manis, hingga kalimat yang mengatakan bahwa tidak jujur adalah mencuri hak orang lain untuk mengetahui kebenaran.

Maka kejujuran terdengar sebagai suatu tingkah yang positif dan berdampak baik. Lalu bagaimana jika kejujuran adalah sebuah kesalahan? Bagaimana jika setelah berkata jujur, sesuatu tidak lagi akan pernah sama?

Mungkin ini alasan sebagian besar manusia masih menyimpan beberapa kebohongan dalam hidupnya. Mungkin tidak semua orang bisa menerima akibat dari kebenaran yang dikatakannya. Mungkin tidak semua orang sanggup melihat reaksi orang lain ketika mendengar kebenaran dari mulutnya. Dan mungkin tidak semua orang mau menanggung perubahan akibat kejujuran yang disampaikannya.

source: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt5164432/?ref_=ttmi_tt

Meskipun penting, kejujuran tetap menjadi sebuah pilihan yang tidak boleh dipaksakan. Kejujuran adalah hak semua orang. Jika Simon (Love, Simon – 2018) memilih untuk berkata jujur tentang orientasi seksualnya, maka itu adalah hak nya untuk mengungkapkan yang sebenarnya setelah ia merasa siap dengan semua akibatnya.

Menjadi jujur adalah hal terberat. Bukan hanya bagi seorang pembohong, akan tetapi menjadi jujur seringkali membuat naluri dan nurani kita bertengkar terlebih dahulu sebelum memutuskan untuk mengatakan sesuatu sesuai dengan yang sebenarnya atau tidak.

Menjadi jujur akan jauh terasa lebih mudah jika saja kita bisa mengetahui apa yang akan terjadi setelahnya. Itulah sebabnya seringkali orang menyesali kejujurannya setelah sesuatu yang tidak mereka harapkan terjadi.

Berbicara tentang jujur, saya teringat pada citra diri yang dibangun oleh semua orang. Seringkali image yang ditunjukkan pada publik oleh setiap individu adalah image yang telah dibangun sedemikian rupa untuk mendapatkan respon tertentu dari lawan interaksi.

Seringkali dalam membangun image, seseorang merasa tidak puas dengan respon yang didapatkan atau sebaliknya. Seringkali juga, seseorang bahkan merasa sangat tertekan dengan image yang terlanjur ia pakai.

Maka ketika pada kesempatan tertentu dengan orang tertentu image tersebut bisa dilepaskan dan pada akhirnya berhasil memperlihatkan wujud asli “siapa saya”, ada kelegaan yang tidak bisa didapatkan dari hal lain. Di sinilah kejujuran berperan penting. Mendatangkan kelegaan ketika tidak perlu lagi berpura-pura.

Entah itu berpura-pura menjadi seseorang yang berbeda dengan jati diri, hingga berpura-pura menjadi orang yang bahagia padahal sedang tersiksa sendiri.

Namun apapun bentuk kepura-puraannya apapun wujud rahasianya, kejujuran tetap menjadi bagian dari pilihan yang harus diputuskan. Memutuskan untuk jujur dan mengakui apa adanya, atau memutuskan untuk tetap menyembunyikan sesuatu hingga siap menanggung akibat dari sebuah kejujuran.

Jadi, jujur tentang apa yang belum Anda lakukan?