I thought I was depressed enough to cry my self to sleep every night. I thought I was depressed enough to feel numb, want to be alone but don’t want to feel lonely. I used to said I’m depressed. But I never really knew how it feels to deal with depression until I’m in love with someone who deals with this horror issues, but I still being a pain in the ass. I mean, depression is a real thing. I thought I did well in dealing with this special someone. But no. I guess I’m just making things worse.
And I found this words; “If someone you love is depressed, you may be experiencing any number of difficult emotions, including helplessness, frustration, anger, fear, guilt, and sadness” Now I know, I really messed things up.
My name is Nami. And I’m in love with this complicated someone. Aahna. How do we meet? I am not sure if it’s a sweet kind of first meeting story but I got lost back then and met this stranger in a random place. Barely saw each other’s face because it’s a half-lighted place with a bunch of drunk people and yes I was pretty drunk too.
First time I heard her name I knew that she is something more than just how she looks. I can see the richness of inner her in her voice. I can hear the loud excitement in her smile. You’ll fall for her smile too I bet.
I never knew she is dealing with the world’s darkest issues because she is that cheerful and gave me such positive vibes every time she was around until she told me in person on the day I think I fall in love with her. The moment I let her dominate the time by listening to her voice from six to nine. I even let our self lost in purpose and walk more just to have more time to listen to her. I really like how she sounds. I think that night is the moment where I start to lose my self in the jungle of her. She is a seed, and she starts foresting over my head.
She likes Chai. She told me that. She likes live music and I hate my self for not taking her to live music shows when she was here. I regret that every time I think about her. And now it’s kinda too late because I don’t know if we can talk anymore.
Wait, what? Yes. I don’t know if we can talk anymore. I messed things up. I guess someone with pretty high insecurities can’t deal well with someone with depression issues. But I love her. So I’ll be a cup of her Chai. I need to let her know that even if we’re not talking anymore. Because if there is anything that helps her, is to let her know that someone out here really cares about her and that her life is important to me.
So Aahna, this is Nami, and I need you to know that I’m still here. I’ll be the cup of your Chai. I’ll put at least one smile on your face every day. How? You’ll see.