How long does it take for us to finally get over about something we clinged to? A week? Months? A year? A lifetime?
Well, it’s been months since the last time Aahna’s breath touch the tip of my nose. Months passed since the last time I saw her black-circled eyes staring at me with that iconic wide smile. And that was when she drove me to the airport.
“Your passport?” she asked. I checked in my pocket.
“Checked,” I answered.
“Watch?” I showed my wrist and walked closer to her.
“It’s all checked. I am good,”
“Take care Nami. Please stay healthy. Stay alive,” her eyes turned cloudy reflected how she feels. A drop of a warm dew fell. She tried to avoid to look on my face as I grab her right hand.
“You know I’ll always be there right? You know I’m just doing what you want me to. You know how far I can go if you want me to right?” I spoke softly.
“No Nami. Stop trying because it won’t work. Please just take it as a bonus chapter. Something good is waiting on your lane. Someone better will be there for you. The right one. At the right time. And it won’t be me. Goodbye Nami. Take care.” She kissed my right cheek and walked away. Not looking back. At all.
Now when I repicture that scene in my head, all I can think about is how much that moment put a load in my chest. I thought she is a home. But home stays. She walked away. She said she needed space, but then left when she promised to stay.
So once again, how long does it take for a normal person to really let go of someone they are addicted to? A lifetime?
I guess, came to her town and brought her a puzzle so that we could talk while arranging the puzzle was a mistake. Even if she hugged me so thight that I could feel her heartbeat, even if she kissed me between the talk and let me got her naked for the last time. But still, came to her house was a mistake.
“Yes Nami, of course, it was your fault. You let something started while you truly knew it wouldn’t work out,” Kate spoke firmly on the phone when I told her about Aahna.
I exhaled a long heavy breath trying to remember how does it feels when I do realize what I was put my step in to.
“But it felt so real. Not just a moment,” I am still trying to defend my feeling. Kate laughed.
“You couldn’t be any dumber, could you? Nami. It is real. But aside from that depression or anything that happens inside her head, she is married. Remember that.”
Something chocked on my throat. Kate was right. She is married. That’s the real reasonable reason for anything that haunts me. The complete answer of the incomplete dialogue between Aahna and me.
“Look, dude, if you’re going to let this stupid feeling overtake you, do it. But you do know that there is no such thing as the right person at the wrong time. There is no such thing as the wrong time Nami. It’s just doesn’t meant to be. Let it be. Wake up and do something with your own life,” Kate still trying to get me conscious.
I look outside.
“Kate, I got to go. I’ll call you later,” I hang up the phone and walk to my balcony.
The orange cloud hides the round face of the late sun. I knew I have to wake up. I knew I got to respect her choice. But the color of a sunset like this and a thousand lights of a city night a couple of minutes after that is one of the reasons why Aahna keeps whispering inside my head.
“In the jungle of you,” she whispered.